CaribbeanKigo #08 Kukai Results

Players: 1. Gynith Roberts, USA; 2. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 3. Shanna Baldwin Moore, Philippines; 4. Tatjana Debeljacki, Serbia ; 5. John McDonald, Scotland; 6.  Sakuon Nakamura, Japan; 7. John Daleiden, USA;  8. Taro Kunugi, Japan; 9. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 10. Victor P. Gendrano,; Philippines; 11. William Kenny,USA; 12. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 13. Krzysztof Kokot, Poland; 14. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 15; Kalina Trendafilova, Bulgaria; 16. Mary Davila, USA; 17. Cindy Tebo, USA; 18. Rafal Zabratynski, Poland; 19.Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine, USA; 20. Magdalena Dale, Romania; 21.Quentin Clingerman, USA; 22. Corbelle Armando, USA; 23. Olga Neagu, Italy

 

 

*11 FIRST PLACE

solitude . . .

turning out the lights

I let in the moon

--BILL KENNEY

Votes:5-7-3-***; Points:28

Comments:1. The captured moment when moon light floods over us after artificial lights are shut off--this is the nectar of the gods; beautiful moment.

2. Lines 2 and 3 are beautiful – it’s too bad line 1 is an abstract idea instead of an image.

 

 

 

*2 *18 SECOND PLACE

2

The first cry-

lights and shades

on the mother's face

--Vasile Moldovan - Romania

Votes:4-4-1***; Points:15

Comments: 1. I thought "shadows" would have been a better choice on L2.  It avoids the near rhyme of shades/face especially when there is another near rhyme in the pairing of cry/lights. Also the word "shades" when combined with "lights" remind me of a lampshade. I do appreciate the layers of meaning in this haiku.  The phrase, "Lights and shades," suggests a contrast between life and death--the infant's first cry and the mother's last one.

2. The ambiguity of the first line captured my attention; we do not know if this the "first cry" of a newborn infant or if the means that the mother is sensitive to the the outcry of the infant whenever it happens. Nice indeed.

3. A tender moment that would be slightly more focused by dropping “the” from the first line, which would also avoid “the” appearing twice.

 

18

neon lights

the curtain's pattern

blinks on the wall

--Rafal Zabratynski

Votes:3-3-***1; Points:15

Comments: An imaginative variation on the shadow theme. The poet makes us 

see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*12 THIRD PLACE

in the same pool

the sun and the moon  

October light

--Tikkis

Votes:5-2-1-***; Points:12

Comments: 1.The heavens are an immense "pool"; how spectacular to see both the sun and moon in the sky at the same time; the natural world is a world of wonder 2.There are lots of sun and moon ku. It's the pool that makes this 

one work.

 

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

01

Amber rays of dawn

Spill lights upon the silent earth

Serenity reigns

-- Gynith Roberts

Votes:******; Points:

Comments:

 

 

 

 

 

03

cold on the mountain

fire light fades

alone with the ashes

--shanna

Votes:1-1-2***; Points:9

Comments: The first thought that came to mind was someone spreading a loved one's ashes on the mountain but I think the emphasis here is on the loneliness of one's spirit after the flames have gone out--whether those flames were from a simple campout, a volcano, or a love that has gone dormant. Or the image could be the mountain itself--all warmth extinguished after the sun goes down.  

 

 

 

04

will leave you

before the night

day lights view

--Tatjana Debeljacki

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

05

cold streets  -

televisions'

flickering lights

 --john

Votes:2*2***; Points:8

Comments:1. I love the simple thing drawn as a simple thing.

2. This haiku would be a bit stronger for being brought into the singular – “cold street” – since the poet would be on a particular street seeing this.  “streets” generalizes instead of providing a moment.

 

 

 

 

06

with pleasure

set light in the deyas

listen Christmas song.

 

喜びて

ﾃﾞﾔｽに灯ともし

聖歌聞く

 

yorokobi te/ deyas ni hi tomosi/ seika kiku

 

--sakuo

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

07

each light a link

to the oneness of all--

Divali Nagar

 --John Daleiden

Votes:1-1-****; Points:3

Comments

 

 

 

 

08

a lake of lights

scintillating under my eyes;-

the mountain spa

--Taro Kunugi; Yo Kunugi, Yamanashi, Japan

Votes:3*****; Points:3

Comments: Very poetic. And I still don't know whether these are tears ... But I had some difficulties with the punctuation - was it a smiley or something?

 

 

 

 

09

Weekend arrangement--

blowing out

candle-lights

-- Ralf Bröker

Votes:1-1-****; Points:3

Comments

 

 

 

 

10

helped by the light

a moth fulfills

its death wish

--Victor P. Gendrano

Votes:1-1-1-***; Points:6

Comments

 

 

 

 

13

light of the morning -

crumpled bedclothes and

lipstick on the glass

--KRZYSZTOF KOKOT PL

Votes:3*****; Points:3

Comments:  What is familiarly known as the cold light of dawn (or morning 

after)? I'd prefer "morning light" for line 1.

 

 

 

 

14

the smooth gliding

of plane lights

winter dusk

--Jacek Margolak; POLAND

Votes:4-2-****; Points:8

Comments:1. Anything that moves through the sky at "dusk" or after certainly captures our attention; here, the "smooth gliding" speaks loudly of safety and the wonder of how human invention defies the natural laws of physics and yet remains beautiful.

2. My favorite of the month: The kinesis of line 1 interacting with 

the visuals of lines 2 & 3, the two kinds of light interacting with 

one another, the interaction of sounds (e. g., "gliding," "lights" and 

the finality of "dusk"), and "winter" clinches it. "glide" might work 

in place of gliding.

 

 

 

 

15

summer sunset

lights calligraphy on the

Mediterranean sea

--Kalina

Votes:3*****; Points:3

Comments:I feel this haiku wants to convey a message but I'm uncertain what that message is.Why is a "summer sunset" better than a winter one?  Why end the line with "the" when "across" may have been a better choice?  Why the Mediterranean Sea as opposed to any other body of water?   I do like the use of "calligraphy" as a verb.

 

 

 

16

festival of lights

the dove winks back

at a star

-- Mary Davila

Votes:3*****; Points:3

Comments:1."festival of lights" celebrations throughout the world focus on humanitarian and religious thanks giving; the link between the underlying purpose of these celebrations and the "dove", a traditional symbol of peace is well concieved; you convey a deep sense of wellness in this haiku.

2. What do the dove and star know that we don't? Everything.

3. Not sure the part about the dove winking at a star is truly possible, but it makes a lovely haiku image anyway.

 

 

 

 

17

nocturne

the piano lights flickering

before they go out

 --Cindy Tebo

Votes:1-2-****; Points:5

Comments: “nocturne” as a piano composition and “nocturne” as an evening scene – nicely juxtaposed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

19

torch song . . .

autumn leaves drifting past

the neon lights

 --Catherine J.S. Lee; USA

Votes:4*****; Points:4

Comments:1. Atmospheric. That "Autumn Leaves" is actually the title of a 

torch song is unfortunate, however

2. Urban poetry, worth a dry Martini and a saxophon-solo while reading it.

 

 

 

 

20

These night lights

your eyes looking at me…

rays of moon

--Magdalena Dale; Bucharest - Roumania

- Votes:**1***; Points:3

Comments:

 

 

 

 

21

Lights flash on and off

A timid knock at the door

Costumes hurry on

 --Quentin Clingerman

Votes:*1****; Points:2

Comments: I appreciate the humorous scene--lovers bumbling around in the dark trying to quickly put their clothes back on. However, I felt that the word "timid" didn't add anything to the haiku.  For example, if the person knocking is a lookout--why not an "urgent knock" as opposed to a "timid" one?  For that matter, why knock at all?

 

 

 

22

lights out - she cries

as she dashes from the dorm

house mother's day off

--Catbird55

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

23

to many lights

and I can not see Your face

in this night,my Lord

--Olga Neagu

Votes:3-*-1-***; Points:6

Comments

 

Afterword

-1-

---Sakuon Nakamura; Japan said…

I think Light itself can not be Kigo independantly.

It needs adjective or noun as word conbination for becoming kigo.

 

-2-

---from the kukai coordinator

 I wanted to get from writers a sharing of lights pertaining to festivals and activities around this time of the year and since in the Caribbean we do not have autumn weather i decided to use just ‘lights’ because really lights do take center stage; in the form of the tiny deyas and house decorated lights and early Christmas decorations, around this time of year with special and pertinent emphasis. It is indeed amazing, that September to December, these are Wet Weather months for us, yet there is the Festival of Lights with an emphasis on traditional lighted deyas using ghee as fuel, and displayed successfully in mass outdoors on Divali night, hailed as the darkest night of the year; an event which is not calendar dated, but observed as a lunar festival.  Gabi Greve (a member of Caribbean Kigo Kukai at facebook) also expressed concern about the term as Kigo, in an email; she was unfamiliar with this as kigo in Japan, However after some research and pondering she propsed to her World Kigo database the section ‘Light, Lights’. Then on October 10^th, Olga alerted me to the Observation of a ‘World Day of Peace and Lights’ project, well that cemented for me ‘lights’ as a Caribbean Kigo in the WW page

  The kukai moved along nicely and i received poems expressing lights in different celebratory aspects including birthdays and anniversaries;

Its certainly such concerns and comments when expressed and debated which contribute to the success of CKK…much love gillena

 

-3-

---Quentin Clingerman, USA said…

Quite a diverse group of poets geographically!  The first comment on mine missed the point entirely since I was picking up on Halloween!... Que

 

-4-

---Comments from Michael Baribeau, USA; one of our Asterisk players who did not contest this kukai

Haiku # 1- Nice images.  I like the trochee meter in line 1.  Feels a bit like traditional Western poetic style.  Perhaps a more simplistic, less abstract haiku style with a haiku type insight.  And since light is to be used as a kigo (or just as a key word?) then a seasonal reference (tropical?) as well, like... autumn - the trees silent - in the morning light.  Haiku # 2-Compelling image without having to spell it out.  I read it about the turmoil of emotions that cross over a mother's face at sound of their child's first breath/cry.  Spring kigo/seasonal reference? Haiku # 3-It's funny how something as little as even a tiny campfire can bring hope and warmth to the dark scary wilderness.  Nice associating cold and loneliness to the ash.  Nice kigo/seasonal reference. Haiku # 4 I like the future tense, unusual in haiku I think but works for me.  Seems to be dropping some pronouns and articles in an effort to shorten it which makes it sound incomplete and difficult for me to understand.  No kigo/seasonal reference? Haiku # 5- Nice lonely feeling walking the streets while noticing 'warm' homes with a modern twist with flickering tv light instead of a flickering fire light. Haiku # 6- I'm not very knowledgeable about the holiday with the deyas but I like the blending of the two different religion's holidays both amusing and cosmopolitan.  Not sure you need the emotion characterization in line 1.  The phrasing in lines 2 and 3 seems fragmented.  Just playing with it, something like... city megaphones - playing Christmas music - deyas light the windows (or wherever you have deyas:). Haiku # 7-  A nice sentiment, very poetic.  I wonder if maybe a little less abstract and more concrete like, Divali Nagar portrait - each flame flickers - as one light.  Haiku #08 - A wonderful image.  Not sure you need line 2 and the word scintillating kind of sticks out and reminds me of the quote "Remember that haiku is a finger pointing at the moon, and if the hand is bejeweled, we no longer see that to which it points."  I like lake of lights but am looking for more implied meaning in it like suggesting the spa and not telling me there's a spa, like... hot tub steam - the mountain lake - of lights.  No kigo/seasonal reference? Haiku #09- I'm not certain of the message, it might be the phrase weekend arrangement has more meaning in your area.  Is weekend arrangement ie weekend business trip?  Then this is referring to someone blowing out candles of a candlelight dinner that was canceled due to a such a business trip (I've seen that that scene in many movies)?  Or is weekend arrangement is ie a weekend rendezvous, the dinner date its self?  Then is the date canceled or are they together and are 'turning out' the lights and spending the night together?  I'm guessing it's the last one in which case for line 1 I would go for a less direct, more implied meaning, and more concrete image, like... the flicker in her eyes - blowing out - the candlelight.  No kigo/seasonal reference? Haiku #10- Funny irony:)  I wonder about a less direct more implied message, like... deep woods - a pile of moths - beneath the porch light.  This is probably a summer kigo/seasonal reference? Haiku #11-  Charming haiku.  I read as being so lonely that they turned out the light to at least have the moon as company.  I wonder about a more concrete image and implied message for line one, like... empty house.  No kigo/seasonal reference? Haiku #12- This is difficult for me to visualize and although I see the connection to light I missed how October is connected.  Haiku #13- I'm reading an amusing contrast between a romantic evening and the scene in the 'light of day'.  Their wearing bedclothes confuses me (that's not how we roll where I'm from:).  If I'm right about the romantic evening then I wonder about specifying the type of glass in line 3 and go with a more implied meaning with something like... lipstick - on the wineglass - morning light.  Otherwise for line 2 what about scattered clothes or rumpled sheets?  No kigo/seasonal reference?  Haiku #14- A nice image and I read as a reference of gliding to skating on ice and even the thought of it's contrail makes me think of a skaters' trail in the ice.  Haiku #15- A very pretty image.  It feels a bit of  western style poetry to me, what about a more implied meaning, like... calligraphy - summer sunset lights - the Mediterranean sea.  Should this be a kigo/seasonal reference for the current season? Haiku #16- This is cute.  Not sure of the dove and star reference to the Diwali festival of lights unless it is a Christmas reference to peace, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus' natal star.  Anyways a bit manufactured for my tastes for a haiku.  I don't ascribe to the thought that a haiku has to be about something that actually happened but I do prefer it be believable and natural.  Perhaps implying the message with more subtlety, like... festival of lights - a caged dove - cocks his head. Haiku #17- I'm reading this as a pun taking Chopin's Nocturnes for nocturnal, as in the night, and then having the lights go out.  Cute, hard to believe, but cute.    No kigo/seasonal reference?  Haiku #18- Very nice.  A simple image that captures the effect of the neon without imposing an opinion of it.  A nice shasei feel.  There's also a kind of urban wabi/sabi about it.  Interesting twist thinking of a shadow as blinking.  No kigo/seasonal reference?  Haiku #19- Nice use of autumn leaves for an old flame in the past and neon for passion and the present.  I like the juxtapositioning.  Haiku #20- Romantic.  Not sure you need line 1 and I want to read line 3 more juxtaposed to the rest to give a more implied feeling, like... moonlight - across the table - her eyes.  No kigo/seasonal reference?  Haiku #21- I assume with the costumes this is referring to a holiday but I'm not sure which.  Since Halloween  is coming up in my area next week and since kids knock at the door for trick or treating I would guess it's that.  So then the flashing lights are a spooky display at the door, the timid knock is kids asking for candy scared by the display, and costumes hurry is them running away in their Halloween costumes?  It's cute (if I'm right:) but with each line written as a fragment, I assume to try and convey the whole sequence, its a bit disjointed.  Writing a fragment AND a phrase or even just as a phrase helps make haiku both understandable and brief.  It also forces us to condense the moment down, you could probably tease 2 or 3 haiku out of this one.  flashing lights and dry ice - slowly trick or treaters - approach the door.  Halloween music - a timid knock - at the door.  Halloween sound effects - monsters and ghouls - run away.  Haiku #22-  I like that the house mother is so much a mother to this girl and yet she's not a 'real full time mother'.  There seems more information than necessary.  I wonder about dropping "lights out" or dropping line 2.   It feels it could be showing and less telling.  Maybe instead of "she cries" something like, 'sounds of weeping'.  Haiku #23- Very moving sentiment.  Seems a bit of Western style poetry or prose.  It's abstract and metaphoric while haiku tends to be more literal and concrete… Michael Baribeau. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CaribbeanKigo #07 Kukai Results

 

Players: 1. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 2. John McDonald, Scotland; 3. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 4. Zhanna P. Rader, USA; 5 Armando Corbelle, USA; 6.  Rafal Zabratynski, Poland; 7. Cindy Tebo, USA; 8. Andrzej Dembończyk, Silesia, Poland; 9 Magdalena Dale, Romania;  10. Olga Neagu, Italy; 11. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 12. William Kenny, USA; 13. Keith Simmonds, Trinidad and Tobago; 14. Kalina Trendafilova,  15. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 16. Taro Kunugi,  Japan; 17. Sakuon Nakamura, Japan  18. Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine, USA; 19. Mary Davila, USA.

 

 

 

*3 FIRST PLACE

 

flood's end

through the rusty gate

a sunbeam

--Jacek Margolak; POLAND

 Votes:5-5-3***; Points:24

Comments

 

 

 

*19SECOND PLACE

 

a teacup

still in the doll's hand

flood waters

--Mary Davila

Votes:6-5****; Points:16

Comments

 

 

 

*7 THIRD PLACE

 

flood warning

ducks glide past

a row of mailboxes

 --Cindy Tebo

Votes:1-4-1***; Points: 12

Comments: Many links in this; and a wonderful movement carries a slightly ironic atmosphere

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

1

Flood-meadow--

can't even hear

the main artery

--Ralf Bröker, Ochtrup, Germany

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

 

2

after the flood:

trees hung

with strange blossom

 --john McDonald

Votes:3-2****; Points:7

Comments

 

 

 

 

 

4

 A village

perched on a small hill -

flood all around.

--Zhanna P. Rader

Votes:2-1****; Points:4

Comments

 

 

 

 

5

just your smile

 is a flood of memories

 years just wash away 

 --Catbird55  

Votes:2-1-****; Points:4

Comments

 

 

 

6

flood wave

the prison wall

much lower

--Rafal Zabratynski

Votes:8*1***; Points:11

Comments

 

 

 

8

flood --

elderly woman strokes

her dead dog

--Andrzej Dembończyk, Silesia, Poland

Votes:4-1-****; Points:6

Comments

 

 

 

 

 

9

A river in flood...

under the soft moon light

baby's crying

--Magdalena Dale - Romania

Votes:2*****; Points:2

Comments

 

 

 

10

floods -

a love letter floats

with no word

--olga neagu

Votes:3-1-****; Points:5

Comments

 

 

 

11

missing

money floods --

global economic crisis

--tikkis

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

12

flash flood warning

so many things

on my mind

--BILL KENNEY

Votes:2*****; Points:2

Comments: I like the idea and would have given more points, if the things had been named.

 

 

 

13

ominous black clouds

terror grips the Central land...

flood waters coming

-- Keith A. Simmonds; Trinidad & Tobago

 Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

14

flooded streets

swimming with difficulty

walkers and drivers

-- Kalina

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

15

After the Noah's flood

billows near billows

the mountains

--Vasile Moldovan - ROMANIA

Votes:******; Points:

Comments

 

 

 

16

The flood over / the carps are running / on the sands

Taro Kunugi; Japan

Votes:4-*-2***; Points:10

Comments

 

 

 

17

洪水の

去りて残りし

赤い靴

 

kouzui no sarite nokorisi akai kutsu

 

after flood

left

a red shoes

--sakuo.

Votes:1-1-2***; Points:9

Comments: Definitely more points from me, if there was a single shoe.

 

 

 

18

grandpa's farm

the new hydro dam floods

everything 

--Catherine J.S. Lee

Votes:2*****; Points:2

Comments: Nice set of yesterday and now.

 

 

Afterword

-1-

In this the 7^th kukai one voter chose to use only 4 out of his 6 points to vote

gillena cox; kukai coodinator

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CaribbeanKigo #06 Kukai Results

 

 

Players: 1. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 2. Sakuon Nakamura, Japan; 3. John McDonald, UK;  4. Cindy Tebo, USA; 5. Jacek Margolak; Poland;  6. Reason A Pooteet, USA; 7. Andrzej Dembończyk, Silesia, Poland; 8. Angelika Wienert, Germany; 9. Ed Baker, USA; 10. Mary Davila, USA ; 11. Magdalena Dale, Romania; 12. John Daleiden, USA;  13. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 14.  Rafal Zabratynski; Poland;   15. Karina  Klesko, USA; 16. Krzysztof Kokot, Poland; 17. Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine, USA;  18. Olga Neagu; Italy; 19. Keith Simmonds, Trinidad and Tobago;

 

 

 

*17 FIRST PLACE

beach fireworks

the last embers fall

into their reflections

--Catherine J.S. Lee

Votes:3-4-2***;Points:17

Comments:1.Strange, but impressive.  2. You have captured a fantastic moment—those fireworks linger on in their memorable reflections because this haiku captures the moment so well.

 

 

 

*15 SECOND PLACE

fireworks

over the Caroni River

a fine layer of ash

--Karina

Votes:1-3-2***;Points:13

Comments: There it goes - like life does.

 

 

 

*18 THIRD PLACE

fireworks -

the blind beggar keeps smiling

and playing the accordion

--Olga Neagu; Italy

Votes:5-1-1***;Points:10

Comments:This maniacal scene is haunting—the haiku cause us to shift our gaze for the blazing firework sky to beggarly plight of the accordion player creating a great pathos!  A juxtaposition of $ spent on the fireworks and the poverty of a blind beggar playing the accordion.  It caught my attention!

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

 

 

 

1

A shooting star

among the fireworks...

the yesteryear

--Vasile Moldovan; Romania

Votes:*-1-1***;Points:5

Comments:

 

 

 

 

2

病院のベッドの上の遠花火

byouin no betsuto no ue no tohanabi

on the bed

in hospital

remote fireworks

--sakuo

Votes:2-1-****;Points:4

Comments:

 

 

 

 

3

fireworks -

the childrens' eyes

sparkling

--John McDonald

Votes:3-2****;Points:7

Comments:

 

 

 

 

4

 under a canopy of fireworks

 the wall

 of fallen soldiers

 --Cindy Tebo

Votes:*3****; Points:6

Comments

 

 

 

 

5

fireworks

light up the sky

light up the river

--Jacek Margolak; Poland

Votes:*2-1***;Points:7

Comments: Line two and three really show the effects.

 

 

 

 

6

youngsters ooh and aah

the horizon aglow with

nature’s fireworks

--Reason A. Poteet

Note: Perhaps the following links will help you understand why I wrote on nature's fireworks rather than the usual.Fourth of July celebrations.  We get our fill of fireworks and air shows every year in this area from Thunder over Louisville. There are some negative side-effects which block the positives that more simpler fireworks occasions provide.

http://www.thunderoverlouisville.org/thunder-image-gallery.html

is a good link for pictures of the air show and the fireworks display

http://pittsburgh.about.com/library/weekly/aa041802a.htm

is a good link to understand the cost, magnitude and the company that makes the fireworks and puts on the show and this article was from 2002, seven years ago.

Votes:******;Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

7

fireworks show -

smiling children's faces

in the hospital windows

--Andrzej Dembończyk, Silesia, Poland

Votes:1-4****;Points:9

Comments

 

 

 

 

8

no fireworks,

no festival --

another thunder

--Angelika Wienert, Oberhausen/Germany

Votes:******;Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

9

kisskiss  kisskiss   kisssssssss

P O W  C R A C K  B A N G  P O P

.....fireworks!

--Ed Baker; USA

Votes:******; Points:

Comments:interesting haiku 9 (onomatopoeic, but this effect could be obtained also with words)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

morning shadows

last night's fireworks

rearrange the silence

--Mary Davila

Votes:2-1-1***;Points:7

Comments

 

 

 

 

11

Near a fence

a beggar looks at fireworks…

party echoes

 --Magdalena Dale - Romania

Votes:1-1-1***;Points:6

Comments:

 

 

 

 

12

red, green yellow, blue

streaks arch across the sky--

fireworks

 --John Daleiden

Votes:******;Points:

Comments

 

 

 

 

13

Fireworks--

her eyes tell them

from long ago

--Ralf Bröker, Ochtrup, Germany

Votes:1*****; Points:1

Comments

 

 

 

 

 

14

fireworks' booms

a blind man leads

his guide dog

--Rafal Zabratynski

Votes:3-1-1***; Points:8

Comments: The picture is great. More sound in the word would make it a star verse.

 

 

 

 

 

16

a fiery Soca

on the face of the sleeping baby

lights of fireworks

--KRZYSZTOF KOKOT PL

 

Votes:2-1****;Points:4

Comments: I like how line 2 acts as a pivot line, essentially giving us two haiku.  I do wonder about the wisdom of pollution because the Caroni and its tributaries drain one of the most densely populated part of Trinidad

 

 

 

 

 

19

fireworks galore

rising in feats of glory

Independence fest

--Keith A. Simmonds; T & T

Votes:******;Points:

Comments

 

 

Afterword

 

 

-1-

--- Sakuon Nakamura; Japan said…

I have selected 3 ku from 19 entried, but there are others that are excellent; sakuo

-2-

---Olga Neagu; Italy said…

thank you,thank you,thank you!it's my first victory on line...unexpected...and I don't find the words for thank you enough

 

 

 

 

Caribbean Kigo #05 Kukai Results

 

Players: 1. Quentin Clingerman, USA; 2. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 3.Sakuon Nakamura, Japan; 4. Keith Simmonds, Trinidad and Tobao; 5. John McDonald, UK; 6. Constantin Stroe; 7. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 8. Angelika Wienert, Germany; 9. Peter H. Pache, New Mexico USA; 10. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 11. Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine, USA; 12.  Jacek Margolak; POLAND; 13. Rafal Zabratynski; Poland; 14.  Krzysztof Kokot, Poland; 15. William Kenny, USA; 16. Valentin Nicolitov, 17. Magdalena Dale, Romania; 18. Reason A Pooteet, USA; 19. Mary Davila, USA

Invitee: Michael Baribeau; USA

 

The fifth Kukai, was contested by 19 players. William Kenney informed me at submission time that he would not vote, since he would be by then on vacation. Asterisk - Michael Baribeau; was this kukai’s invitee to vote and comment.

 

New:  both the votes as well as the total scores are shown; eg for this kukai #5 is the winner with a total of 15 points having obtained four ones, four twos and one three

Votes:4-4-1***;Points:15

 

 

Apology: The winner of the Easter Kukai is Constantin Stroe; his email address ’Don Basilio’ was credited instead of his name; this has been subsequently corrected in both the Results Page and the Asterisks page

 

 

 

 

*05 FIRST PLACE

summer vacation  -

camp-fire smoke

rising to the moon

--John McDonald

Votes:4-4-1***;Points:15

Comments:1. It's a calm evening or night; the moon. Camp-fire smoke is interested in moon. The writer is left alone. Time to just be still, vacation! Well-balanced text.

2. Very nice concrete images.  the presence of Summer Vacation doesn't add much to the haiku for me, in fact I think it's better with just, campfire - the smoke rises - up to the moon.  I want to read a reason for Summer Vacation to be used like, in the campfire smoke - but I stay - Summer Vacation.

 

 

 

*19SECOND PLACE

smile lines . . .

sand from her summer vacation

still in her purse

--Mary Davila

Votes:3-1-3***;Points:14

Comments: 1. Charming haiku.  Lines 2 and 3 are funny and show how the experience stays with her not only in the beach sand and how she relives it when discovering the sand but in her smile lines from line 1. 

2. I hear the sand among all these s ...

 

 

*02, 08, 17 THIRD PLACE

2

A kite flying

above the schoolyard-

summer vacation

--Vasile Moldovan

Votes:5-2-1-***;Points:12

Comments: I like it.  Toys from home are not allowed at school, in fact teachers confiscate them to prevent distractions and fights at school so this rings of the childhood innocence victorious over rules squelching their spirit.  It's funny with a touch of childhood rebellion, the kite like their flag waving from a concurred fort. 

 

 

8

summer vacation --

in the garden by night

the hedgehog and me

--Angelika

Votes:5-2-1***;Points:12

Comments:1.A heavily armored hedgehog and the writer in the peaceful night; as something is going to happen?

2. like this one.  I read this as a gardener trying to stay cool by enjoying an evening in the garden and funny that they are vacation at home in the garden.  Spending it with a hedgehog in the garden is a nice nature bonding image too, your not overly specific so I was imagining just being able to hear the hedgehog work the garden in the dark.  I had to google hedgehog and learned hedgehogs are encouraged by gardeners because it eats pests. 

 

 

17

Summer vacation...

our sand castles destroyed

by the waves

--Magdalena Dale - Romania

Votes:5-2-1-***;Points:12

Comments: 1.Word "destroyed" brings an unexpected tension here.

2. Good concrete images.  I wonder why you focus on the waves washing away the castle and if it has some added meaning for Line 1 Summer Vacation like maybe it was coming to an end.  Is it the metaphoric sand castles of dreams and this was a disappointing Summer Vacation?

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

 

 

1

The soft breezes blow

Cool sand felt between the toes

Summer vacation

--Quentin Clingerman

Votes:******;Points:

Comments: Nice work with the 5-7-5 syllable pattern although I prefer free verse for haiku.  The near rhyme works well.  Good concrete images.  I get that your enjoying these sensation especially because it's Summer Vacation but these activities are so indicative of summer and I want to read more of a connotation or aha. 

 

 

3

子供孫

家に溢れる

夏休み

kodomo mago

ie ni afureru

natsu yasumi

children and grand children

overflow at my house

though all summer vacation

--sakuo

Votes:******;Points:

Comments: This is cute.  I want to read it tightened up a bit though and with more show about what's happening and less tell about what's happening and with an emphasis on the surprise or revelation to Summer Vacation like, grandma's house - filled with shouts and laughter - Summer Vacation

 

 

4

tropical delight

sailing on the vast blue sea:

summer vacation

--Keith A. Simmonds; T & T

Votes:******;Points:

Comments: Ah, I like the imagery.  It feels a little in the Western poetry style like with line 1 telling what I should feel instead of showing or describing it.  Line 2 has good concrete images and verbs. The adjectives like "vast blue" are a bit Western in style again.  I want to read more of a juncture, a stronger reason for including the phrase Summer Vacation otherwise it feels more an association and less about the aha. 

 

 

6

Riotous children

in the stair head-

summer vacation

--Constantin Stroe

Votes:1-1****;Points:3

Comments: I like the choice of stair location implying the sound travels throughout the house.  With Summer Vacation this implies to me not only the sound of joy from children perhaps on their way out the door but also a long summer of enduring their joy:)  In line 1 normally I'd want the words for the sounds themselves and not a word characterizing them but riotous does seem to work well here. 

 

 

7

summer vacation--

telling the children gently

why we stay at home

--Ralf Bröker, Germany

Votes:2-2-1***;Points: 9

Comments: This is a nice one with a somber tinge and a good connection with Line 1.  Line 2 and 3 I want to read with less narration and more description, more physical images, and maybe a more implied connection to Line 1 like, Summer Vacation - the children watch - as the neighbors leave.

 

 

 

 

9

summer vacation --

the taste of dawn's wind

new freedom

--peter ;nm us

Votes:1-*****;Points:1

Comments:This is very poetic in the Western style with metaphor and abstractions.  For a haiku I want to read something more basic and down to earth to imply the new freedom like, Summer Vacation - a dandelion seed - on the morning breeze. 

 

 

10

"It's time you started

doing something useful!" --

summer vacation

--Tikkis

Votes:*2****;Points:4

Comments:1.LOL, a parent's lament to loafing children.  I would have gone with something more traditional like, a mother shoos - her children out - Summer Vacation

2. This is pure reality – and good starter for a long story to tell.

 

 

11

summer vacation . . .

sun-warm watermelon

fresh off the vine

--Catherine J.S. Lee; Eastport, Maine, USA

Votes:1-1****;Points:3

Comments: Wonderful images.  I want to read more implied connection to line 1, maybe focusing on the word vacation.

 

 

12

summer vacation

I chose the beach

with nobody on it

--Jacek Margolak; POLAND

Votes:3-1-1***;Points:8

Comments:Very nice, trying to enjoy Summer Vacation while avoiding the crowds with the same idea. 

 

 

13

summer vacation

the glow of moonlight

on her tan lines

--Rafal Zabratynski; Rzeszow, Poland.

Votes:2-2-****;Points:6

Comments:1. Line's 2 and 3 are delightfully seductive and are a haiku among themselves, the glow - of moonlight - on her tan lines. But line 1 does 'flesh' out the scene a little with the suggestion of young love and fleeting summer romance. 

2. A real mystery which reminds me of a light-hearted time.

 

 

14

summer vacation-

Caribbean suntan

from Pitch Lake

--KRZYSZTOF KOKOT PL

Votes:*-2-****;Points:4

Comments: 1.This is my favorite haiku. When I image the scene, I can smell scent of pit and tar. And strong bright sunshine burn my shin perfectly. And Caribbean dancers and music appear from old sailing ship. Very romantic haiku.

2. I don't know Pitch Lake but saying Caribbean suntan suggest that maybe Pitch Lake isn't in the Caribbean so instead of spending money on a Caribbean vacation the tan was from someplace local to you which I'm assuming isn't in the Caribbean.  If this is the case I might go for a more famous lake name like for my area I would use Lake Michigan. 

 

 

15

back home

after summer vacation

contented sighs

Note: We'll be away on our own summer vacation from Thursday on, so I won't be able to vote this time. Blessings

--BILL KENNEY

Votes:******;Points:

Comments: This is a nice scene.  For lines 1 what about describing being back home instead of stating it, like for example with 'unpacking' or something.  I was thinking instead of characterizing the sigh say something like 'deep sighs' and then the crafting of lines 1 and 2 can imply they are content sighs. 

 

 

 

 

16

...and yet a hopscotch

in the empty school yard-

summer vacation

--Valentin Nicolitov

Votes:2-1-1***;Points:7

Comments: I like this it suggests to me that children visit the school yard to play even during Summer Vacation since Hopscotch squares are usually drawn in the dirt or in chalk on pavement so are temporary.  Interesting phrasing, thought maybe going for 5-7-5 syllable pattern but I count 6 in Line 2, maybe it's my accent.  School is 1 syllable right? 

 

 

18

fall school term begins

retired teachers still on

summer vacation

 --Reason A. Poteet

Votes:3-1-****;Points:5

Comments: Cute haiku and a good 5-7-5 syllable pattern although I keep debating whether in my area retired is 2 syllables or 3.  It feels a bit narrative in line 2 for example by characterizing the teacher as retired instead of describing the teacher so I'm thinking maybe a more specific example.  To make some room lines 1 and 3 could be combined like 'after Summer Vacation'.  Just playing around, maybe something like, an old professor - combs the empty beach after - Summer Vacation

 

 

 

 

 

Afterword

-1-

---Tikkis; Finland said…

Lovely set! I should like to get a cookie to # 2 and #12 also!  Not any cookies allowed ?-); Tikkis

-2-

---from the kukai coordinator

Condolences to Ralf Bröker; whose father in law died this July;

 

 

And on happier note, Angelika: glad you had a nice birthday, July 4^th’; and to Magdalena and Sakuo; Hope you had a nice day on your birthday July 20 ^th

 

 

Thanks to all; players and invitee for making this kukai a success; gillena

 

 

-3-

---Que said…

I have been let know that free verse is preferred by someone twice now.  Not a helpful comment because I prefer 5-7-5.  But I am not going to judge other haiku on my preference!!!  Nor am I going to put someone down for preferring free verse.  That is an individual option.  When I was introduced to haiku it was in the 5-7-5 pattern. I didn't know that there was any other pattern!!  I like the 5-7-5 because it brings to me a little more discipline in the writing; Que

 

 

 

 

 

CaribbeanKigo #04 Kukai Results

 

 

The fourth Kukai, was contested by 16 players. Fourteen players met the voting deadline. Since there were two persons who did not vote; l asked two of our Kukai Asterisks - Michael Baribeau; and Jenny Townsend, non players in this kukai, for their vote; thus bringing the total to sixteen voters.

--gillena cox; kukai coodinator

 

 

 

 

*09 FIRST PLACE

Corpus Christi

a pregnant woman

climbs the church steps

--BILL KENNEY

Points:18

Comments: 1. Coming into this world - still a great thing. So simple, so great.

2. not because the pregnant woman is Mary but because of His sacrifice to redeem. 3. the image of the pregnant woman climbing the church steps evokes images of Mary and the Christ child as well as the history of Christ as recorded in the gospels. This is a powerful haiku image for me.

4. poignant image of the 'burdened' pregnant woman opting to make the arduous trip to attend Mass this important day instead of staying home and nurse her delicate condition.

 

 

 

 

*14SECOND PLACE

stained glass

tints my prayers

corpus christi

--Robin Beshers, US

Points:16

Comments: 1.No incense, no chants. This everyday-prayer goes much deeper.

2. Interesting using "tints" as a verb.  I want to read more of a connection to "Corpus Christi", for example 'Easter' would seem to fit better here because of the tradition of egg dying.

 

 

 

 

*13 THIRD PLACE

In the street

a beggar eating bread…

Corpus Christi

--Magdalena Dale - Romania

Points:12

Comments:1. My number three, cause He said, we will find Him this way. Without line one my number one.

2. I preferred those that placed the kigo most firmly and deeply in the context of the natural and the human. #13 accomplishes this, while acknowledging the traditional religious significance of the feast.

3. In this haiku the image of the beggar in the street eating the simple meal of bread evokes principles of religious faith; the simple and unadorned images suggest humbleness and truth.

4. If they have communion in the street for these processionals or hand out bread then I can see the life saving bread is also to remind of the life everlasting bread of communion but I thought the procession happened before or after the communion at Mass.

5.This is a warm message; who is the beggar; anyway he/she's got some bread to eat. (Not any fish?).

 

 

 

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

 

#1

Red raindrops ooze

from the wood of cross...

Corpus Christi

--Vasile Moldovan

Points:6

Comments: I like this approach.  The word "ooze" has some negative gore connotations and for me seemed to give too much away.  Maybe 'trickle'?  In fact I wanted to read it as being even less direct like, rain trickles down - the red wood cross - Corpus Christi.

 

 

 

 

 

#2

a barefoot farmer 

washing his hands -- 

Corpus Christi

--Tikkis

Points:10

Comments: 1.the symbolism of hand washing and the biblical account of Pilate struck a correspondence for me in this haiku; well done.

2. I like the wabi sabi image of a barefoot farmer.  I assume he is trying to make himself presentable for Corpus Christi but can't hide his humble status due to his barefeet.   Also if I recall feet washing by Jesus and his deciples was important in some traditions so this might be ironic as well.

 

 

 

 

 

#3

Corpus Christi

in the heart and on the earth

love homegrown

--Mary Angela Nangini

Points:2

Comments: For me this is telling about love through sacrifice of God born a man and martyred but I want to read it more showing me not telling me.  It feels a little too abstract, maybe more concrete images like, Corpus Christi - children crowd around - the cart with a lamb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#4

Corpus Christi:

farmers planting their crops

in the tradition

--Keith A. SIMMONDS; T & T

Points:3

Comments: I'm not familier with "the tradition", maybe describe the technique?  Is this describing an area celebrating Corpus Chrisi that is poor/simple and planting 'by hand' so with a wabi sabi quality?  I don't get the connection though with Corpus Christi but my knowledge of the celebration is limited.

 

 

 

 

 

#5

corpus Christi fog

the procession meanders

among the puddles

--Jacek Margolak; POLAND

Points:7

Comments: 1.for me the "fog" and the "puddles" through which this Corpus Christi procession meanders suggests the  roadblocks and obstructions that intervene between faith and the faithful; well done.

2. I enjoyed the image of the robed clergy precessional line, vearing around puddles not seen until the last minute due to the fog.  I don't think it needs "fog" and in fact used this way it seems to be talking about the town of Corpus Christi Texas and not just the feast.

 

 

 

 

 

#6

Corpus Christi

His Body and Blood saves us 

World without end

--Catbird55; USA

Points:3

Comments: This reads more like traditional western poetry, hey worked in the King James New Testiment version right?  I want to read it not with the meaning 'explained' but instead with more simple concrete images 'suggesting' the meaning like, Corpus Christi - breaking a loaf of bread - I pause

 

 

 

 

 

#7

petalled pavements

waterfalls of wine  -

Corpus Christi

-- John

Points:2

Comments: I like the "P" amd "W" illiterations.  I wanted to play with making line 1 and 2 a single phrase like, petals floating - on rivlets of wine - Corpus Christi.  But that's for a more party festival and I thought Corpus Christi was more formal.  I guess the meaning of "waterfalls of wine" is unclear to me.  Is it a metaphor for the wine flowing from drinking party goers or refering to large turn outs for Mass maybe or something else?

 

 

 

 

#8

Corpus Christi -

neighbours bedight their altar

close to the café

--Ralf Bröker; Germany, Ochtrup

Points:

Comments: I'm not sure of the significance of being close to the cafe.  Is it so they can quickly retire to the cafe?  Is the cafe a community meeting place?  Is that why "neighbours" is used?  I had to look up "bedight" it is an archaic term in my area, was it's choice significant?

 

 

 

 

 

 

#10

corpus Christi

acts of kindness by design

with God's signature

-Note:  As the body of Christ, believers are intent on kindness which flows not by chance but from God.

-- Reason A. Poteet

Points:2

Comments: I want to read not that there were acts of kindness and who they were by but of the acts themselves and see for myself God's signature by 'implied' meaning.

 

 

 

 

 

#11

incense smoke-

in the golden cage

Corpus Christi

--KRZYSZTOF KOKOT PL

Points:4

Comments: I assume by the hyphen that the Corpus Christi is kept in a golden cage and not the incense.  I want to read more of a implied meaning between line 1 and the rest like, incense - the golden cage approaches - Corpus Christi. Or maybe something with the smoke to give it a more mystical mood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#12

planting pigeon peas

and red peppers in the rain--

Corpus Christi 

--John Daleiden; Avondale, AZ

Points:4

Comments: Afraid I don't know what pigeon peas are nor what the significance in planting them and red peppers in the rain would be for Corpus Christi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#15

Corpus Christi now

The "Ecclesia" is One

Honoring the Christ

 --Quentin Clingerman

Points:1

Comments: "now" doesn't really fit here for me, if the only purpose is to maintain the 5-7-5 syllable pattern I would say, 'the Corpus Christi'.  For me haiku are stronger if they have an insight or connotation in understanding them while this one feels more straight forward analysis of an observation.  Maybe instead giving an example of how they show their respect to "the Christ" and how it relates to Corpus Christi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#16

Trinitas . . .

a dove guides the Corpus Christi procession

into Father's Day

 --Mary Davila

Points:

Comments: It feels like is one and a half haiku here not one like, a dove - guides the procession - Corpus Christi... and, a dove - guides Corpus Christi - into Father's Day.  I don't see the relevence in the haiku for Trinitas.

 

 

Afterword

 

-1-

--Ralf Bröker; Germany, Ochtrup winner of kukai #3 said…

This time it was "no points" for Mr. B. after a better round in #3.

It was asked in the comments, whether café has a special meaning and why I used "bedight". May I answer here?

It is a tradition in our town that neighbourhoods build altars when the feast of Corpus Christi is near. It is made of wood, drapery and flowers. After the procession has stopped and is gone the neighbours clear the scene and have a drink or a coffee.

"Bedight" is word used often in the context of churches, it underlines - in my eyes - an old fashioned way of life in modern times.

"Café" is a modern term in our town, where neighbours used to drink coffee in private houses. It is also a counterpoint to Corpus Christi itself: this feast celebrates that bread and wine become blood and body when Jesus is present.

Could be that I've to learn two things: sophisticated does not mean good, but could lead into nebulosity. And: haiku you have to explain are no haiku.

Will try to keep on improving.

Best wishes

Ralf

 

 

-2- 

--Michael Baribeau - Michigan USA; invitee voter for Kukai #3 said...

Ralf,  It's good that you are to be open to inquiry/critique.  Just as readers here are trying to understand haiku written from different cultures you are working to anticipate reception from other perspectives and that is important at any experience level.  Your explanation  of irony between bedight and cafe makes sense to me now.  This connection wouldn't have been understood in my region since cafes are nothing new.  Since blogging is relatively new from my cultural perspective I would have written something like corpus Christi - blogging about - the bedighted shrine.  But in 25 years from now the meaning may be lost when blogging is no longer 'new', in fact my own son who has grown up around blogging may not think of it as new and not understand my haiku.  I think haiku that are cosmopolitan and dealing with 'universally' understood aspects are more effective because they are understood by a larger audience for a longer period of time and might even have the impression of a 'universal truth'.  Although a haiku may not be cosmopolitan and may need explanation outside a certain region doesn't mean it isn't a haiku.  We shouldn't abandon the haiku meant only for today, but should be aware that it is transient and only for a local audience for a limited time.  The masters have many haiku whose meaning have been lost to us, and are now but a glimpse into a private dialog meant only for them then and not us now.  After your explanation I rather enjoy your haiku.  For me the image of the neighbor's 'feast' at the cafe afterwards is more appealing though then the bedight/cafe connection.

Michael Baribeau

 

 

-3- 

-- Reason A. Poteet; USA said...

Gillena:  I'm so glad you included the afterwords comments by Ralf and by Michael, which help to clarify the view that comments made from a specific reader can be only that - the viewpoint of one person among thousands (or at least several tens) of readers. Personally I like the comments because they help me to grow.  I enjoy reading

the many different voices that one given kigo (theme) can inspire so many varied and outstanding pieces.   Some writers may be offended by "rewrites" offered in the commentary and to that I say, take it for what it is just another voice being heard.  I have so much to learn about writing in general and in particular, haiku.

Comments are welcome at any time.

Reason A.

 

-4-

--Comment from the Kukai coordinator; Gillena Cox - TT…

Another successful and highly stimulating kukai.

Turns out haiku #8, with zero points; is a star poem in this round. I want to disagree though with Ralf when he said “ haiku you have to explain are no haiku.”

This kukai is played on an international platform; true the kigo are posed out of a Caribbean essence, but there is international empathy and cultural diversity which makes for interest and sharing. Meaning does not exist in a vaacum; Cherry Blossom to a Japanese haijin is not the same to a Polish haijin; and Poui to a Trini haijin is not the same to a German haijin the common ground exist after explanation or knowing. I think, it is typical of a good haiku in an international forum; to be not necessarily one which stimulates an AHA moment, since not everyone will understood the tradition; but rather, if it is good enough to spark enough attention and a hankering to get inside of the poem. This is what haiku #8 did and after Ralf’s explanation my appreciation has been heightened. To spark comments whether they be in misunderstanding or in laurels in this arena of sharing various traditions of a particular theme; this for me, is the essence of  the kukai.

Thanks again, for another successful kukai, to all players and invitees; only because you made it so.

much love

gillena

 

-5-

--of Haiku #3; the author says...

Corpus Christi, the Body of Christ for me is not a final one time historical event but an ongoing reception of the graces of this "eternal sacrifice", therefore, "love homegrown" becomes the intentional, personal assent to love as Love has loved and continues to give, and, to do the same "in the heart and on the earth": to work at loving others as myself and to work at growing the fruits of the earth, the given gifts of the Love who sustains us.  As you say in your comments, everyone interprets from their own vantage point, experiences, cultures, etc. I think this is the beauty of haiku. It may touch none, a few or as any winning haiku, a larger group of readers at once. It would be good to hear from all the haiku authors. 

Mary Angela

 

-6-

---Tikkis; Finland  said…

Thanks for these comments, or afterwords, conversation! They are deepening at least my point of view on those haiku. They are building up as wonderful haibuns afterwards! And as many years read Shiki kukai haikus I don't care how many "points" that or this got; if I like a haiku with 0 pts I'm anyway happy to read it! Who says there is something to understand in this world?

Best greetings to you all!

Tikkis

 

-7-

---Magdalena Dale; Romania said…

I agree with Tikkis. If there are haikus that leave feelings in my heart I am glad and no matter how many points they have. For me is interesting and instructive to take part in this kukai. Gillena is right. Where can be found a beggar? In street of course! But if I put him in another place with a more profound signification, I think it would be better. Thank you for this opportunity to learn more about haiku. Warm greetings to all participants.

 

Magdalena Dale

 

 

 

 

 

CaribbeanKigo #03KukaiResults

 

This, the third Kukai, was contested by 18 players. Seventeen players met the voting deadline. Since there was one person away on spring break and whose vote I did not get in time; l asked one of our Kukai Asterisks - Michael Baribeau; who not a player in this kukai to vote and comment; Michael’s vote totalling the voters to eighteen.

 

Comments are placed for the haikus without the names of the persons commenting

 

 

 

*5 FIRST PLACE

Mother's Day--

her mirror refracts

morning light

--Ralf

Points:16

Comments: I read this to imply the mother is 'gone' but that the mirror that she used and often held her reflection now beams with her essence in the prizm of colors, a sign that she is still around in some sence.  I would have been tempted to work in the phrase 'prizm of colors' into the haiku but using the word "refracts" and not spelling out the effect made me instead explore it's association a little more with "Mother's Day" to good advantage.  The use of morning light that can angle through a window and shine on the mirror adds a sence of legitamecy, or logic, or maybe shasei (sketch from life) and also conjures images of sunbeams adding to the warmth and magic of this image.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*10SECOND PLACE

Mother's Day--

a few graves on the hill

with new blossoms

--Karina Klesko

Points:12

Comments:I like the wide image of a hill with flowers left at mother's graves on Mother's Day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*6 THIRD PLACE

mother's day

I step over

a crack

--BILL KENNEY

Points:9

Comments:1. brilliant.

2.Funny!  My 8 year old often recipts the rhyme as he steps over cracks in the sidewalk "step on a crack, break your mama's back".

 

 

 

 

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

#1

the first time

her boy buys a bunch of flowers-

Mother's Day

--Vasile Moldovan

Points:8

Comments: 1. great moment, wins by concentration: first time/her boy buys flowers/Mothers Day

2. A sweet point indicating the child's age and suggesting a mother's pride as he accomplishes another 'first'. What about making it more implied by dropping "her" like 'he buys a bunch of flowers'. Or, although I like the alliteration of "b"s in L2 maybe just streamline the language more... 'he buys - his first bouquet - mother's day'

 

 

 

 

 

 

#2

mother's day  -

in a dark alley

she slurps her gin

--John

Points:4

Comments:1. between irony and hopelessness, courageous verse.

2.Very poignant.  A little too dark and direct a haiku for my tastes.  But I've found you can 'say' almost anything by implying it, like... 'mother's day - in a dark alley - an empty gin bottle'.  Still, not sure my version has the approprite 'chateness' for a 'traditional' haiku.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 #3

for Mother's Day

a flood of memories...

the empty chair

--Keith A. SIMMONDS;T&T

Points:6

Comments:1. (Exactly "the" chair, not "an"!).

2. I like this one but the ambiguity of whether it's the mother's chair or her child's chair, did they die or did the child grow up and leave, all leaves me a little unsettled, not sure if that's a good thing or not but there it is.  Wondering about maybe a more concrete example of remembering for line 2. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#4

Dear Mom.....

trail blazing us

to the higher places

 --shanna

Points:6

Comments:It feels like a neat play on a mother's day card to me but I want to read it with more of a connotation or insight, more implied meaning and less direct.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#7

Flowers sheltering

the tombstone from the wind  --

Mother's Day

--Tikkis

Points:2

Comments: I enjoyed this one.   The delicate flowers placed at the tombstone in honor of Mother's Day provides some protection from the elements, symbolic comfort to the deceased.  I read there's already a haiku in the first 2 lines if broken down into 3 lines... 'flowers - sheltering the tombstone - from the wind'.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#8

It is Mother's Day

Memories come flooding back

White carnation wilts

 --Quentin Clingerman

Points:

Comments: I like the use of the official fower of Mother's Day, the white carnation, being used.  I'm a little confused if this is a mother's adult children thinking of there deceased mother or a mother thinking of Mother's Days past when the kids were little.  I wonder about being a little more concrete with maybe a specific memory in line 2 instead.  Line 3 I want to read carnation plural like 'white carnations wilt'.  I can see the 5-7-5 pattern, I personally prefer free verse, and was tempted instead by the rhythem of something like 'wilting white carnations'

 

 

 

 

 

 

#9

The bitterish nuts...

and its become sweet-

Mother's Day

--Constantin Stroe

Points:2

Comments: I was confused I only eat salted nuts and didn't think of them as bitter, also not sure of the work bitterish.  I assume they become sweet with chololate?  Is this some Mother's Day tradition?

 

 

 

 

 

 

#11

toddlers little hand-

colourful bunch of wild flowers

first Mother's Day

--KRZYSZTOF KOKOT PL

Points:

Comments:1.#11 was at first in my list, but L1 "little" not needed, (toddler's hands are little ones);also L2 colourful not needed. Just wild flowers!;Even better, if all those wild flowers are not-so-colourful! Up to reader's choice;That's why dropped it off, sad;

2. Charming image.  I'd use an apostrophy for toddler's.  Not sure you need the words "little" or "colourful".  I wanted to read line 1 and 2 as a phrase like... 'toddler's hand - clutching the wild flowers - first Mother's Day'.  I wonder about more emphasis on the toddler's hand like... 'toddler's tight grip' so the emphasis is also on the toddler's inexperince and a little more of a twist, the irony in having to let the flowers go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#12

Mother's Day -

my friend brings mother flowers

on her grave

--Andrzej Dembończyk, Silesia, Poland

Points:2

Comments: A wonderful gesture of friendship and perhaps being freinds your friend knew and loved your mother.  Don't think you need the word "mother" in line 2.  I would change "on" to 'to' in line 3.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#13

a groundskeeper rests

against her headstone...

mother's day

--ed Markowski

Points:7

Comments: An entertaining image of you waiting for the groundskeeper so you can leave flowers.  Also suggests mother still offers 'support'.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#14

my mother's rockingchair

the weight

of forget-me-not bunch

---Jacek Margolak; POLAND

Points:4

Comments: 1. (Word "my" not needed? But L3 forgives that!)

2. I read this as sitting at your mother's rocker and thinking of her, the "weight" both physical and metaphorical about memories stired from the bouqet of forget-me-nots.  To avoid the broken English in line 3 what about dropping "bunch' and go with the plural... 'of  forget-me-nots'

 

 

 

 

 

 

#15

expectant teen

votes no on abortion

Mother's Day observed 

--Reason A. Poteet

Points:5

Comments: Interesting  idea having this expectant mother voting against abortion.  It feels a little artificial  that  there would be such a vote near such a holiday it doesn't seem so much as an observance of Mother's Day but as a political statement.   Not 'traditional' style haiku  but in this same vein I would go with something more concrete and less direct, like... 'polling booth - in the long line - the baby's first kick' not sure how "Mother's Day" would work  in though .

 

 

 

 

 

 

#16

one shadow

becomes two

mothers day

--Dalloway

Points:4

Comments: Neat idea.  Not sure how strong an association to Mother's Day it has, seems to celebrate the magic of procreation instead of honoring mothers raising their children.  I wanted read something a little more specific like... 'she turns to add - the baby's shadow - beside her'.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#17

Bunches of flowers

in the children’s hands…

Mother’s Day

--Magdalena Dale – Romania

Points:7

Comments:1. #17 was similar, but wild flowers was something "great";0,5 pts for #17 and #11, but it is not possible.

2. Such a sweet scene.   I want to read with more of a twist or aha, like... 'Mother's Day - the smell of flowers - on the children'

 

 

 

 

 

 

#18

the void left

after her abortion . . .

Mother's Day

--Mary Davila

Points:4

Comments:Even I can feel the ache of that maternal instinct.  It feels a little too heavy in a haiku for my taste.  Perhaps a little less direct... 'she stays home - with the tv off - Mother's Day'

 

 

 

 

 

 

More Comments

 

There are many very good haiku here and I am amazed to see; so many of the 18 pieces reflecting a sense of emptiness, sadness

and pain in their loss!

 

*

Mother's Day is the one holiday which calls to mind the widest variety of emotions as evidenced by these entries.

 

 

 

AFTERWORD

 

 

Karina Klesko,  2^nd place asterisk,  poem #10 said

congrats to all......actually mine has a little more depth than flowers on a hill.

My mother is deceased...and the new blossoms on the hill represents ..recently deceased mothers....as well as another years blossoms for the graves already there....a few new blossoms, meaning...a few of our mothers have  just recenty died....is the basic meaning of the poem.

hugs, karina..

Mary Davilla's poem is perfect the way it is. I liked it very much

 

 

The Kukai Co-ordinator , that’s me, gillena; says

WOW!!! what a kukai, looking forward to reading more of every one’s poems here at Caribbean Kigo Kukai

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caribbean Kigo #02 KukaiResults

 

 

 

 

*15 FIRST PLACE

Easter Day-

on my grandpa's cross

a sleeping butterfly

--Constantin Stroe

Points:-- 22

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

*12 SECOND PLACE

nearly Easter--

new leaves flood

the willow tree

--jt

Points:--13

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

*20THIRD PLACE

Many candles

in the starry night –

Easter Eve

-- Magdalena Dale

Points:-- 12

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

#01

Easter

a brand new welcome mat

on the funeral home porch

--ed Markowski

Points:-- 4

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

 

 

#02

An acute baaing

breaking the silence to pieces

...Easter lamb's

--Vasile Moldovan

Points:--5

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#03

Lilies bright and white

Resurrection morning fair

Easter has arrived

 --Quentin Clingerman

Points:-- 2

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

 

 

#04

winds from the North

Easter  Sunday  today

hardboiled eggs

--Joseph B. Connolly

Points:--5

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

 

#05

reminding Easter Parade

with Judy and Fred

at my young age

--sakuo

Points:-- 4

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#06

Easter Sunday . . .

for a moment almost

all the way back

 --BILL KENNEY; Whitestone NY USA

Points:--5

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#07

captives could be freed

Christians hold Jesus hostage

clandestine Easter

--Reason A. Poteet

Points:-- 2

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#08

Easter wind

the moon resurrections

in my window

-- Jacek Margolak   POLAND

Points:--7

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#09

Easter --

that cackling chicken

laying an egg again?

-- Tikkis

Points:-- 2

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#10

Easter -

a monk on his knees

scrubs out the confessional

--John McDonald 

Points:--11

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#11

Easter morning greeting -

children go on searching

the Bunny's gifts

--Tomislav Maretić

Points:-- 2

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#13

starry-eyed children

waiting with bated breath...

Easter bunny

--Keith A. SIMMONDS; T & T

Points:--8

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#14

easter sunday -

beside empty grave of Jesus

still fresh flowers

--Andrzej Dembończyk, Poland, Silesia

Points:-- 7

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#16

Easter Monday

chocolate bunnies all gone

I reflect on Jesus

 --Catbird 55

Points:--6

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#17

Easter table

 

sunny morning -

frisky chickens

on the easter table

--Robert Nowak; Poland

Points:-- 2

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

 

#18

after Easter mass

children hunt for eggs--

the Church School Playground

--John Daleiden

Points:--

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#19

speckles of

easter morning

in the wood thrush's song

--cindy tebo

Points:--8

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

 

#21

Fishes are descending *

Morning in Jerusalem

Easter arcana

-- KRZYSZTOF KOKOT; POLAND

*constellation Pisces

Points:--

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

#22

Easter Monday

a couple try to jump

the ticket barrier

--Alan Summers

Bradford on Avon; Wiltshire, England, U.K.

http://www.withwords.org.uk

Points:-- 1

Comments:--

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caribbean Kigo #01KukaiResults

 

 

 

 

*10 FIRST PLACE

 

season of lent-

my shadow

thinner and thinner

-- Jacek Margolak; POLAND

Points: 20

Comments: 1. I liked using their shadow instead of a mirror to observe the fasting but not sure if there was any other significants to it.  In my region a thin shadow can imply a long shadow and winter but I don't believe that's the same for Caribbean kigo.

*

2. I try also to make thinner my shadow. Although I try, my belly is still bulging in profile on the wall. But fasting is not for physical but spiritual reasons. Let our souls to be merry!

*

3.  Here is really the spirit of Lent

 

 

 

 

*5 SECOND PLACE

 

the ash cross

smudged on his sleeve

season of Lent

--Michael Baribeau

Points:  16

Comments: I'd cut 'season of’

 

 

 

 

 

 

*19 THIRD PLACE

 

 

last day of lent -- - -

so many spring blossoms

waiting to open

--Karina Klesko

Points: 13

Comments:1. This is also a beautiful haiku. There is enough balance between sad and joy.I like it very much.

*

2.   This poem contains a good balance between the sobriety of lent and joy to live.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*15 THIRD PLACE

 

lent-

in the wayside chapel

kneel the prostitutes

--Andrzej Dembończyk

Points:  13

Comments:  The Lent is a good ocasion to pray for ask for forgiveness.Even for prostitutes.

*

2. I'd reorder the lines to - in the wayside chapel/prostitutes kneel/lent

 

 

 

 

 

 

RESULTS  CONTINUES

 

1.

 payday friday night

 too many dollars lent

 fish chowder all gone

 --Joseph B. Connolly

Points:  2

Comments:

 

 

 

 

2.

  四旬祭遠きカリブを偲びをり

sizyun-sai touki karibu wo sinobi wori

 

lent festival

it reminds me

Caribbean far away

--sakuo

Points:  0

Comments:

 

 

 

 

3.

oko ponoci                                                                  

zvono zove na pasticadu                                             

prije Pepelnice                                                            

 

around midnight

a bellfry calls for pasticada

before Lent

 --Tomislav Maretic

 *** pasticada - the last grassy meal before Lent

Points:  1

Comments: My knowledge of Lent is limited but I liked thinking this a good natured poke at the Fat Tuesday 'preperations' before lent with a Pavlovian responce to the church bells.

 

 

 

 

4.  

first day of lent

an upside-down squirrel

hangs onto the birdfeeder

 --cindy

Points: 7

Comments:

 

 

 

 

6.

songs from carnival

are chased away by ashes

Lent has arrived.

-- Catbird;      Corbelle Armando

Points:  1

Comments: I liked this for it's metaphor a poetic sense but for the same reason felt it was a little too much tell and not enough show in a haiku for my tastes.

 

 

 

 

7.

peacock eyes

under the lenten moon-

grass and grubs

--an'ya    http://www.moonset-newspaper.com

Points:  5

Comments: I thought this poetic and an interesting moonlit image.  For me it symbolized spring but seemed contrary to Lent traditions of fasting but not sure what the caribbean 'spring' interp would be.  I was confused also because I didn't think peacocks were nocturnal.  Maybe it was the eye patterns of their feathers?

 

 

 

 

 8

After the Lent

all around the church

shells of red eggs

--Vasile Moldovan

Points: 12

Comments:1. For me personally, being Eastern Orthodox, this is a familiar moment. I can just see the red shells all cracked open! Perhaps in line one "the"  isn't necessary, just "after Lent" instead would be enough.

*

2.This haiku has a very good contrast between Lent and red eggs, between Lent and Fest, sad and joy.

 

 

 

 

 

9.

Lent came to an end...

the blades of grass are rising

among the ruins too

-- Constantin STROE

Points: 8

Comments:1. a bit lengthy possibly  due to translation, the juxtaposition in this one is very good. For line one, maybe just "end of Lent" and for line two, removing "the" . . .

end of Lent—

blades of grass are rising

among the ruins too

 

or

 

Lent's end—

grass blades are rising

among the ruins too

*

2. Nice symbol of spring after Lent and Easter's risen Lord.  I assume the symbolism still works in the Caribbean even without the spring kigo.

 

 

 

 

11.

after the bacchanal...

lenten resolutions

for forty days

 --Keith A. Simmonds; T & T

Points: 0

Comments:

 

 

 

 

12.

in the desert

temptation all around--

lent

 --tori inu; JAPAN

Points:1 

Comments: Like the irony.

 

 

 

 

 

 

13.

Lent begins –

old stones in a shoe

gnaw at her sole

 --Mary Davila

Points:  4

Comments: Another Lent tradition I'm not familier with but I understand the purpose and you gotta like the pun:)  I would say 'her' shoe instead of 'a' shoe.

 

 

 

 

14.

Lent --

the cross is not yet

veiled

--Angelika Wienert

Points:  4

Comments: I'd cut the 'is'

 

 

 

 

16.

discussing lent

he has a third biscuit  -

mother superior smiles

 --John

Points: 3

Comments:

 

 

 

 

17

 cobwebs sway

where the mistletoe hung...

lent begins

--Ed Markowski

Points: 9

Comments: Nicely implies the tradition of spring cleaning for Lent and going from the pantry plenty of a mistletoe Christmas to the empty cobwebs of fasting for Lent.

 

 

 

 

18.

Question what is lent

Stuff swept from under beds

Answered Josh age 6

--Gynith

Note: This is a true story.  At children's church on Easter when my grandson Joshua was 6 the minister asked if anyone knew what lent was.  Joshua's hand shot up:  "I know, I know"  he answered.  At age 6 he knew just about everyting.  "It's that stuff you sweep from under the bed."  The minister could not keep a straight face and the congregation burst into laughter.  Josh is now 22 and still knows everything.

Points:  0

Comments:

 

 

 

 

 

 

20.

unlit candle

the Lent Sacrifice box

empty

--Richard Krawiec

Points:  3

Comments:

 

 

 

 

21.

 be it borrowed, be it lent,

your pound of flesh

at stake

--Norman Darlington, Bunclody, Ireland

Points: 2 

Comments:

 

 

 

 

22.

the great harmonies...

Lent opens

with a dead language

--Daniel W. Schwerin  Minister;  First United Methodist Church;  121 Wisconsin Ave

Points: 5

Comments:  I believe that poem # 22 is a senryu , not a haiku. But realy it is a good senryu